


Gone but forever with you

by laterie



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: M/M, Not fixing, Only telling, it was a wild ride, so here we go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 06:41:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17017683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laterie/pseuds/laterie
Summary: “You can tell me the story.” Curtis hinted a line on his cheek while looking at Keith’s scar.Keith snapped out of his thoughts and looked at Curtis. Yeah, he definitelycando that.





	Gone but forever with you

**Author's Note:**

> I have no energy to go through that again. I tried to write it and I failed.

Keith loved space. He would travel forever if he could. Counting the time in Earth’s day, it’s been two weeks since Shiro sent him a message begging him to visit finally. When his ship landed in the L.A. bay, Keith didn’t know that Curtis would be the one greeting him in the doors.

It took Curtis only minute to flip over Keith’s life and ask about the most forbidden thing possible.  

“I asked Takashi about the scar on your face,” Curtis said, “but I would like to hear your part of the story. His side is a bit confusing.”

“It was Shiro’s clone, not exactly him,” Keith corrected him, “he was not there. These memories are not his.”

Curtis watched Keith with confusion in his eyes. This man, with a scar that will forever remind him of the horror of that day, looked so calm, but the mystery in these violet eyes was telling him, that a storm is behind his relaxed face. 

“Will you tell me?” Curtis tried again, “I am curious.”

“Why? It was not Shiro.” 

The more Curtis pried the answer to get just a slight piece of the story the more Keith was showing out his true colors. His jaw tightened, and suddenly his fingers got inpatient. He started to flip through the pages of a book that was lying on the coffee table in Shirogane’s residence in L.A. 

“You know,” Curtis folded his arms over his chest, “we’ve never talked too much, for that you are Shiro’s best friend.” 

“If you didn’t notice I am not an Earth person.” Keith looked down at the equation in the book. 

“Sometimes I think, you don’t even approve our marriage.” 

“Do you want to fight me?” Keith closed the book and threw it on the couch. He could jump over the table and punch the man so hard that he would become part of the wall — an action worth of thousands of words. Curtis would  _feel_  what Keith actually thinks about his  _marriage_ with Shiro.

“Never.” Curtis raised his hands in defense.                                           

“And would you fight me, for Shiro?” he asked suddenly, standing up from the couch. 

“What? Keith? No!” Curtis gasped in shock, “you are his best friend, I would never--” 

“What if I wanted to hurt him, will you fight me?”

Silence. 

More silence followed until the front door shut closed. Shiro impatiently ran into the living room. It almost looked like he didn’t pay any attention to Curtis. With a huge smile, he threw both of his arms around Keith’s waist and hugged him tightly. 

“You’re alright.” Shiro squeezed his slim waist like it’s nothing but a pillow. 

“I am.” Keith smiled into Shiro’s shoulder and closed his eyes, “ _I am always alright.”_

“I actually feel pretty good.” Keith let Shiro push him away gently so he could look into Keith’s eyes. 

“How’s work?”

Keith had a question on his tongue. He remembered Shiro’s at the wedding when he turned his back to Keith and walked away like many times before. The man whose face he held in his hands so many times every time Shiro cried, turned his back to him. He never touched that face again. Keith never again felt the unshaved chin under his fingers or the sharp scar on his nose. Keith never kissed his beautiful lips, never told him how much he loves when Shiro gives him innocent private smiles. Now, after years, Keith felt like a broken record; as if he got stuck in a loop which always split his words into two halves. No battle, no scar, no words hurt him more than when Shiro rejected his love. It was not the war that broke Keith into pieces. 

“Keith...” Shiro leaned closer to inspect his friend’s face, “are you alright?”

“ _Yeah.”_ Keith raised an eyebrow, “I just told you.” 

Curtis cleared his throat, pushing himself into the tiny space Keith left between Shiro and himself. Keith wished that Curtis saw how personal and intimate that moment was.  

“Oh, hey.” When Shiro smiled at his husband, Keith looked away and asked Shiro to bring him some water. 

“Of course, just--” Shiro walked in the kitchen with Curtis behind his back. 

“You didn’t give him anything to drink?” Keith could hear Shiro asking his husband from the room. 

“I asked, he didn’t want anything.” 

Keith moved from his spot to get closer to the shelf positioned above the fireplace. _What a cliché_ , Keith thought when his sight fell on a collection of framed photographs. Last time he was here the shelf was empty. Curtis was with Shiro and Shiro with Curtis and Curtis’ family.  _Curtis, Curtis_  everywhere. A large photo in a silver frame caught his attention at the very edge. It was the wedding photo. Keith looked at himself. He was three years younger, his hair shorter, his eyes less tired and his smile was less faked than now. Maybe because that time he was not that tired of pretending and missing Shiro. 

“There you go,” Shiro walked into the living room with a cup of tea. A  _fucking cup of tea._ Keith asked for water, and Shiro brought him Cinnamon-apple spiced tea. Shiro always gave him more than Keith asked. Because of just one cup of tea, Keith felt like he’s in debt, and he should aks Shiro to hang out. 

“Thank you,” Keith murmured into the cup when he took a sip.

“The trip must have been tiresome.” Shiro was already sitting on the couch when Keith finally managed to tear away his look from the photos.  

“Don’t you have any group photos?” Keith asked and immediately wished that the tea burned his tongue before he let the question drop on the cream colored carpet under his feet.

“I have,” Shiro replied softly, “I have them where I can cherish them the most.” He smiled.

“In our bedroom,” Curtis explained, gently squeezing his husband’s knee.

“Really?” Keith chuckled, but he didn’t comment it anymore. Asking if it’s not a bit awkward to have group photos in the bedroom while they fuck was like stepping on a minefield. Keith didn’t want to be rude or hurt Shiro. He felt like he could drop this bomb on Curtis' head anytime and he wouldn’t feel sorry. Every time Keith felt like tearing the man apart he reminded himself, that this is the man Shiro loves and married. It hurt more than the creation of the scar on his face.

“Why don’t you sit down, Keith?” Shiro asked.

“I am a bit restless.”

“That’s true,” Curtis smiled, “since he came here, he can’t find his place.”

Keith wanted to fight this man and give him the straightest reply which could leave the man paralyzed and tortured on the motherfucking carpet that got dirty with the stardust Keith brought on his boots.

“We can relax for a bit and then have some beers, maybe?” Shiro suggested. “Can go to a bar and… you know.” He shrugged and looked at Keith hopefully.

“That would be nice, but,” Curtis’ hand slide deep down Shiro’s inner tight, “I must reject. I have work tomorrow.”

“ _Oh,_ yeah, right.”

Keith wished Shiro’s face didn’t look that disappointed. What horror possessed Keith’s poor soul, that he couldn’t get through the rejection? Or maybe, it was the wall Shiro built between them, and Keith was always behind the glass, always only ghost-touching Shiro. Dear God, Keith needed the physical contact with Shiro more than breathing. He could forget how to breathe once these beautifully shaped lips would touch his. Shiro would only smirk and remind him to breathe;  _for god sake breathe,_ and Keith would take a breath of the fragrance of Shiro’s shaved skin. He would savor and suck in Shiro’s soul like it’s the actual oxygen. 

But Shiro rejected him.

“I thought you wanted to hear the story about my scar.” Keith’s look challenged him. If Curtis didn’t want to fight before, Keith gave him _a right look_ this time.

Shiro tensed and gave Keith the most confused look in the past three years. Keith’s head felt blessed while his heart broke again.

“We can talk tomorrow,” Curtis replied. He must felt the uncomfortable vibes from his husband and tried to play it safe for both of them.

“Tomorrow, I might be _gone._ ”

Keith put the black cup on the table right in front of Shiro. It felt like a comet falling on the ground, the small _thud_ woke up Shiro from his daydreaming and made him snatch Keith’s hand and pull him closer.

“Gone?” he asked, and Keith melted into the hold on his wrist, feeling his pulse hammering against Shiro’s palm.

Keith forgot how to breathe. He felt his heart stuck up in the windpipe, as it tried to jump from his body right into Shiro’s palms.

“I have work to do, Shiro.” Keith almost swallowed Shiro’s name like it’s a candy, making it sound almost divine.

“I’ll go!” Curtis violated their intimacy again, and Keith couldn't do anything else but just to free his hand from Shiro’s tight grasp.

**

They found a place on the terrace bar under white and red string lights. The table was round and mahogany when Keith’s fingertips brushed the surface. He moved his chair closer to Shiro and yanked away the drink menu from between his fingers. Shiro playfully slapped his hand away.

“You said beers, so we don’t need this, do we?” Keith threw the menu on the table.

“Keith,” Shiro tilted his head, his grey eyes pinning him into oblivion.

“If you want to drink something else, it’s fine.” Curtis grabbed the menu, giving Keith unpleasant look. “You know Keith, you came here after a half of a year, and you act as nothing has changed.”

“And what exactly has changed?” Keith asked curiously.

“Curtis,” Shiro put his hand on his husband’s with a smile, “not now.”

“Well, I wanna know,” Keith smiled. “Do you plan to move away, or you’re changing your job again, Shiro?”

“I like to teach,” Shiro rolled up the sleeves of his dark blue sweater, “so we’re staying.”

Keith didn’t want to ask anymore, because deep down in his small heart he felt the revelation could destroy him into billion pieces. It always has been like that when it came to Shiro, and changes in his life.

Once the beers were on the table, the conversation has flipped to Shiro’s job. For a while, Keith didn’t feel the pressure in his chest, and he forgot how hard it was to learn how to prevent the explosion. Into Shiro’s passionate stories from work and his ordinary life, Curtis casually added the most awkward tales he could remember about Shiro. And just then, when Shiro lightly brushed the scar on his nose while laughing about Curtis’ story, Keith’s guts drop with a thunderous slam. 

He was about to destroy the beautiful marriage these two had just because he couldn’t find a way how to cope with his broken heart. Keith wanted to leave, run away and never come back. Too many times he fled back like a moth attracted to the flame of Shiro’s soul.

“Keith.”

Only his name slipped from Shiro’s lips. The name and the human hand resting on his shoulder. If Keith got stuck in a record of the past, then Shiro couldn’t find a way how to break away from the shoulder zone. Keith didn’t know if he developed a habit, but he’s never seen Shiro touching Curtis this way.

“I’ve told you I am fine.”

“You are not.”

“I was thinking… and got a lot on my mind.” Keith cleared his throat and drank from his glass.

“I understand.”

Of course, Shiro understood. No matter what Keith would say to this man, Shiro would follow; even if he just expressed himself wordlessly. Right now Keith would swear that his eyes were transparent like the wall between him and Shiro and Shiro could see his soul trembling deep inside his head like a frightened animal.

“If you’re not feeling well, we can—“

“No, it’s fine!” Keith looked at Curtis who nodded.

“I’ll be back in a moment.” Curtis stood up from the table with his phone ringing.

“I killed the mood, I see.”

“Keith, _no._ ” Second time just in few hours Shiro held Keith’s hand like it’s the most common thing in the whole Solar system.

“You’re making this hard for me,” Keith yanked his hand away. “Just so fucking hard.”

“Keith…”

“Don’t _Keith_ me.”

“I am sorry.”

Keith closed his eyes for a short moment. He remembered Shiro wounded, leaning against the rock while the flames played the most beautiful symphony of colors on his face. He recalled that time when Shiro woke up in his arms, looking at him like his face is a painting in a cathedral. Keith felt invincible and loved. He could’ve fought the whole Galra fleet just with Shiro in his arms looking at him like nothing else matters. 

“Never tell me, you are sorry, Shiro. There’s nothing to be sorry about.” Keith rested his head against his palm and looked at the burning vanilla candle on the table.

“What are you gonna tell Curtis about the scar?” Shiro asked, his voice small.

“I’ve told him already it was not you.” Keith lifted his fingers over the flame of the candle.

“Keith…”

 _Ah, god._ Keith sighed loudly while his fingers put out the flame.

“Stop calling my name.” Keith gave him a sideways look before Curtis got back to the table. 

“I am back, and I am sorry, but I have to go. Work emergency.” Curtis didn’t even sit he just collected his things, drank down his beer and gave Shiro an apologizing look. Keith didn’t know how many times he had to look away from the couple already, but it almost became a habit by this time. From the corner of his eye, he could see Shiro kissing his husband goodbye and muffling _be careful._

“And you don’t be too long.”

“I’m home at midnight, don’t worry, my _fairy._ ” Shiro chuckled. 

Keith couldn’t believe Curtis left him alone with Shiro. Out of respect, Keith would never touch Shiro without his permission. It was not Keith’s style to throw himself around the man’s neck and cry out his endless confession.

“Don’t get yourself turn into a pumpkin, _princess._ ” With these words Curtis was gone, leaving Shiro with a smile on his lips.

“I wish I could make you smile like that.” Keith felt sorry for his life more than he thought he should. He didn’t want any leadership, no status, no property. Keith fought for Shiro his whole life. The only person, the only _thing_ he ever needed and wanted has taken away from his hands like it never belonged in there.

“You always knew how to make me smile. Don’t degrade yourself.”

“Degrading myself? I wish I could fall deeper so I could try not to fall again.”

It didn’t matter how much Keith hated to put himself down or to regret his life and feel small. He couldn’t pretend in front of Shiro. He was miserable in his small frame, and there was no doubt that Shiro could see right through his mask. 

“You’re my best friend, Keith.”

Keith choked on the terrible idea of laughing his desperation off. He rubbed his eyes tiredly. It sounded crazy every time Keith heard this status connected with his name. 

“I wish I could say the same.”

“What happened between us Keith, is ours and ours alone.”

Keith saw Shiro’s inpatient's fingers rubbing against the desk. They were so terrible close to Keith’s hand that it made his palm itching. He pictured what could happen if he brushed just his pinky against the side of Shiro’s, but then, his eyes caught the shimmer of Shiro’s wedding band, and Keith pulled both of his hands into his lap. 

“What is ours?”

“Keith…”

“What is _ours_?” Keith breath kicked the words out of his mouth before he could even process the reaction to his action.

“I don’t know what _ours_ is, Shiro. Tell me, because I am still confused. I am a bit lost and, I want to cry a little. I feel so hurt, that I can’t breathe properly.” His breath went staccato, making his anxiety knocking the heart in his chest.

“Is past all we have? Tell me, please I’m—“ Keith trembled covering his face with palms. He felt like kicking the table to show Shiro how  _terribly wrong_ he feels right now. 

“Keith, you need to calm down.”

“If you’re gonna put your hand on my shoulder again, I swear to god, I will yell!” Keith’s both fist hit the table.

“I am not going to touch you, I promise. I need you to calm down. I am not going anywhere you are still very precious to me.”

 _Precious._ Keith honestly felt like crying his heart out.

“I just wanted to be with you, that’s all,” Keith confessed through the tears sparkling in his eyes, “ _that’s all._ ”

Shiro’s fingernails scratched the surface of the table. His jaw tightened while he dropped his gaze to look at the blown out candle. Keith knew it’s not fair to Shiro, that he’s using his feelings, abusing the relationship and causing Shiro pain he doesn’t deserve. 

“I don’t want to hurt you, Shiro. I love you so much for that—“

Shiro closed his eyes what looked like slow motion for Keith. The gentle closing of his eyelashes made Keith think of butterflies and flower petals.

Keith panicked.

“I said that again, I am sorry.” He stood up from the table sending the chair on the floor loudly. It drew people’s attention for a moment.

“I’m sorry too.”

Shiro was looking up to him; his voice tender, while the world suddenly has turned off for Keith. 

**

Keith was a liar and not a good one. Half of his life he lied to himself and everyone around. Keith was a professional when it came to saving and helping those in need, but his personal life was nothing but a plain field after a nuclear catastrophe. What was even worse was that he couldn’t stop the suffering almost as if the feeling became his oxygen. 

“Keith?”

Curtis opened the door surprised that he sees Keith so early in the day.  _Yeah,_ Keith was definitely a slut for suffering. 

“I came to say goodbye.”

“But—“ Curtis looked confused and alarmed at the same time, “Takashi’s not home, right now! Don’t you wanna wait for him?”

“We’ve already said goodbye.”

“Alright.” Curtis stepped away from the doors so Keith could enter the house.

Keith sighed when Curtis went still, looking even more confused than before. They really didn’t have much in common. Keith tugged at the sleeve of his leather jacket when a puppy of Siberian Husky caught his attention.

“You’ve got a dog?”

“This morning,” Curtis smiled with a nod, “Shiro’s got to buy some more staff for her. You know how he is.” 

In truth, Keith wished to know  _how Shiro is._ After half of the year, he felt like he’s anything to Shiro but not his best friend. He invaded this happy home. It didn’t matter if Keith protested, Shiro and Curtis were a family together with this ball of fluff.

“We wanted to tell you today, but you…” Curtis scratched the back of his scalp. “Do you have to go?”

“What’s her name?” Keith asked.

“Evie.”

“Nice.” Keith wanted to disappear. 

“Do you don’t want to stay, and wait for Shiro?” Curtis asked again, “he’ll be disappointed to know you showed up and then didn’t wait for him.”

Keith didn’t answer; his eyes remained glued on the dog with a toy between its teeth. The puppy just stood there, probably not planning to greet him. No wonder, Keith thought, even animals could feel the misery dripping out of his heart.

“You can tell me the story.” Curtis hinted a line on his cheek while looking at Keith’s scar.

Keith snapped out of his thoughts and looked at Curtis. Yeah, he definitely  _can_  do that.

They both moved into the living room. When Keith looked at the shelf from yesterday, he saw an extra picture. The frame was an ordinary one, wooden. The photo was older than the rest on the rack. Keith was sitting on a bench in the autumn park, wearing his Marmora uniform while the wind was playing with is long hair. 

“Takashi must’ve put it in there. When I woke up in the morning, it was already there.” Curtis explained. “If you’re not comfortable with it, I’ll—“

“It’s fine,” Keith shrugged.

The truth was that Keith felt his heart hammering so wildly in his chest he was afraid it might break away, and fall right into Shiro’s arms as always. When Keith looked at Curtis, he didn’t see any jealousy. What was wrong with this man anyway? Shiro just put Keith's photo between his family pictures, right next to the wedding one, and Curtis didn’t even flinch.

“If you’re alright with it.”

“It’s not—“

Keith immediately looked at Curtis who was leaning against the wall right next to the fireplace.

“I keep ignoring.”

“What?” Keith asked curiously.

“The bond between the two of you.”

“We were brothers in arms, Curtis, that’s all. Our bond has disappeared with the war.” It hurt Keith to even think of such words. Saying it aloud to keep Curtis in his ignorance was only part of Keith's daily portion of torture.  

“You risked your life to save Takashi’s life, and almost died with him. You never let go.”

 _Blessed be your ignorance._ Keith wanted to laugh of how absurd this whole situation was. Either Curtis wanted a straightforward answer from Keith, or he was cutely stupid.

“The truth is, there’s nothing to say,” Keith looked at his empty palms. He sat on the same place in the living room like yesterday. The book was neatly placed on the coffee table, but he had no intention to open it again. 

“Well, just yesterday you looked ready to fight me for the story.”

“Curtis,” Keith left the name roll down from his tongue like a spit, “I fought for Shiro to get him back _home._ ”

“I want to know. It’s a huge part of Shiro’s life.”

“It’s not a part of his life,” Keith raised his voice, “it’s a part of my life.”

“Keith, I know it must be tough to talk about it.” Curtis tried to calm him down, but since yesterday every time someone started or finished the sentence with Keith’s name, Keith’s nerve snaped like a string. “But I am sure things will be easier for you if you confide.”

“Don’t talk to me like you know me!” 

“Alright,” Curtis stood up, “what’s the problem here? Why are you so aggressive every time I want to talk about Takashi’s past?”

“It’s Shiro’s past so ask him!”

“You are an inseparable part of his past!”

Keith took a deep breath to prevent himself from breaking the man into two.

“You have no idea what are you talking about.” Keith rubbed his cheek with his palm nervously.

“Do I wanna know?” Curtis asked carefully.

“I don’t know what do you even wanna hear.” Keith almost jumped from the couch.

“Why did you risked so much to bring Shiro home?”

 _Idiot, you are such an idiot, Curtis._ Keith wanted to slap him, grab his shoulders and shake him until the man gets some sense into his head.

“Why did you bring Shiro home?” Keith asked, his voice low and impatient.

“Because I love him.” Curtis’ answer was narrow, flat and told in the most casual tone.

Keith watched his face processing the information. Suddenly, Curtis vibe has changed, and Keith felt as the man tightened and closed every door he left open for Keith. It was over, and Keith knew he’s not welcome anymore.

“I don’t know what to say, Curtis.” Keith was left defenseless, standing on the damned creamy carpet.

“Are you here for a certain purpose?” Curtis asked.

“If you think I came here to steal Shiro away from you, then you are wrong.” Keith tried to keep his tone low even though he wanted to yell at Curtis for being blind to his pain; for being always the first no matter how much Keith had sacrificed for Shiro.

“Just a second ago, you told me your bond is dead.” Curtis put his hands on his hips.

Keith cocked his head to one side watching the tall and handsome man. He was surely almost over a head taller than Keith. Surely, he was a good party for someone, but not for Shiro. Curtis knew and Keith was sure, it had to be the end Keith luckily avoided too many times. 

“You shouldn't have asked me,” Keith shook his head, “Shiro’s past is not important as long as he got you.”

“How can you do this?” the other man asked, his voice surprisingly painful, “meeting him while you know he’s never gonna be yours? Why are you punishing yourself like this?”

“Punishing?” Keith’s eyes grew wider, “I’m not—“ he almost laughed.

“Then, are you punishing Takashi?”

 _What?_ Keith frowned, his lips sealed tightly. Curtis undoubtedly knew how to fight for someone who previously gave up so quickly. 

“Are you saying you want me to get away from his life?”

“I think it’s what you need.” Curtis’ eyes hardened. He watched Keith like a hunter.

“So you think it’s what _I_ need?” this time Keith laughed.

“You’re bonded to him.”

“Oh my god,” Keith laughed desperately, “are you real?”  

“You just told me you love my husband!”

“For fuck sake! You knew all the time I love him!” Keith shouted, “you just wanted to dig the story so I would tell you in your face, and you could laugh my ass off. I don’t fucking care what you think or do, Curtis. I didn’t come here for you, but for Shiro.”

“That’s pathetic.”

Keith folded his arms over his chest in defense. He could say the most hurtful words and leave without looking back, but it was not in him to throw the poison everywhere just because he felt wounded.

“Does it change anything in your relationship with Shiro?”

Curtis sighed when his knees gave up, and he had to sit on the chair. Everything about this situation felt absurd, and forced, almost as if Keith waited for an opportunity to tell Curtis and watch him suffer.

“I don’t want to hurt anyone,” Keith spoke, “but I certainly did hurt Shiro yesterday.”

“No, Keith,” Curtis disagreed, “you didn’t. There’s nothing you can do that would hurt his feelings, I assume.”

“That’s not true.” Keith felt a ball of deprivation rolling up his throat.

“Well, he loves you, that’s the only thing I know.” Curtis sighed.

“Why the fuck are you sighing? He married you!”

“But he loves you!” Curtis barked angrily, “he might sleep with me, and live with me, but you are his past and even his presence. He’s tightly bonded to you, and I know, I am certain he wants you in his future too!”

“Am I here so that you could murder me?” Keith asked, eyes full of tears.

“He fucking loves you, so why he’s not with you?!”

“Ask him!”

“It hurts to see how deep your bond is, and I can’t do anything about it.”

Keith sucked up his tears, trying to catch his breath again. It didn’t matter how angry Curtis get when Keith couldn’t move Shiro or make him fall out of love.

“Why are you not with him?” Curtis asked again, his patience running out.

“He rejected me.”

“Why?”

Keith shook his head. _Absurd._

 _Like I should know._ Keith broke like a china doll. He dropped on the couch with tears in his eyes. His body trembled while the tears were translucently painting his cheeks. He wished there was a higher power that could make him forget about Shiro and everything they had. Even that day when Shiro asked him to call him by his first name and Keith politely refused. He also joked about how the nickname grew to him. Laughing away the pain was all Keith has left.

“I am so sorry,” Keith wiped his tears, “I am so sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?” 

“I destroyed everything. I always do that.” Too weak to surpass the wave of emotion, Keith hiccuped. He felt like the kid who again lost everything regardless of how much he tried.

Two strong arms caught him surprised when Curtis touched both of his shoulders. Curtis leaned over to him with an uneasy kindness in his eyes.  

“You saved Takashi. You gave him life, Keith. There’s nothing more profound than giving life.”

Keith bowed his head in absolute defeat, because how tragic and sad it was for him? To save the life of a beloved man so he could fell in love with someone else?

“Keith, he does love you.” Curtis crouched, “there’s no doubt he loves you.”

Keith chocked on that statement. That was a lie, and it sounded like a joke from Curtis' mouth.

“You have to see through Takashi’s eyes. You have to see yourself that way.”

Keith didn’t want to see or know anymore. That man he tried to hurt and make him uncomfortable and chase him away was now comforting him. The only answer Keith has was that Curtis lied to him. He thought of Shiro loving him so deeply that he didn’t see any rival in Keith. That realization hurt, and at the same time made Keith step away. He broke right in front of a man who could use his feeling like the most dangerous weapon. God helps him if Keith didn’t know better. 

 “You, have no idea,” Keith pushed him away, “what are you talking about.”

“Keith…”

“Don’t _Keith_ me. You and Shiro, both of you have no idea what happened to me. You can have your fairytale with a dog. You can keep telling yourself how much he loves you, and how much you love him.” Keith straightened himself and looked Curtis into his eyes. “But don’t tell me, he loves me more with that expression on your face!”

“I didn’t—“

“Shut up!” Keith’s finger stabbed him in the chest, “You will not treat me like a child. I fucking unfolded myself right in front of you. Fuck that, I swear to god, I didn’t cry for years. I am sorry, and you should accept my apology because that’s all I can give to you.”

Curtis looked away, biting his tongue trying not to speak again. Keith was always a big mystery to people around. He appeared and disappeared with the snapping of fingers. Keith was someone else, placed on a chessboard in total darkness, and still, he always knew where to step or how to win the game.

“Telling me I gave him life when you have no idea what does that even mean. I am not here to judge you. Yes, Shiro deserves all the love, and I wish you could give it to him, but I also know the reason why he rejected me since you know shit.”

“Keith, you act very—“

“I am fucking crazy!” Keith shouted, “don’t tell me something I know! I am sorry I destroyed what’s left of Shiro. My tears are for him and him alone.” 

“You should go.” Curtis hissed angrily, “you know where the door is. I expect you to not coming over ever again. It’s the best for all of us.”

Keith stared into Curtis’ dark eyes. He felt as the anger is filling his veins up, from the very bottom, entering his heart. He clenched his fist. Last time someone wanted to separate him from Shiro ended up dead on the dirt. Sendak was only one of _many._

“What is happening here?” Shiro’s voice and the barking of Evie have interrupted the tension between the two men.

The husbands exchanged looks, while Keith twisted his head to avoid Shiro’s eyes. He didn’t want to know or _see_ ever again.

_Fuck it._

Keith elegantly avoided Shiro’s look while he stormed out of the house. The door banged loudly behind him. He loved to destroy himself. Maybe for a second, it provided him some relief to yell at Curtis but right away when he heard Shiro’s voice everything ceases to exist. Shiro turned his world down off once again. He owned the switch the same as he held everything else in Keith’s life. Keith desired he knew how to let go of Shiro and quit humiliate himself. 

“Keith! Keith stop!” Shiro’s voice reached him sooner than Keith could escape and hide.

“Don’t make me chase you around!” the man grabbed his shoulder and roughly turned him over.

“What happened, Keith?”

“Don’t call my name!” Keith retorted.

“Tell me what happened, please,” Shiro begged.

“I am _fine._ I am always fine.”

“Your eyes—“

“My eyes are always fine too.”

Keith felt like crying again. He could open for Shiro just like that. If he unfolded himself in front of Curtis, then now he would fall apart right in Shiro’s arms because that man was the only one who could put him back together.

“Baby, what is happening to you?” Shiro gently took Keith’s face between his palms, “look at me, please.”

“Shiro, I…” right on the street, under an old oak tree, Keith’s felt in love more than anytime before. “I can’t tell it anymore. It’s destroying me every time I tell you how much I love you. Nothing is happening to me, Shiro. Nothing.”

“Keith,” Shiro pulled him into a tight hug, “Keith, my Keith, my _Keith._ ”

“Stop, please.” Keith buried his face in the crook of Shiro’s neck.

“My Keith, I love you so much.”

“ _Stop, please…”_

_Don’t._

“I would give you everything if I could,” Shiro kissed his temple, “I would’ve given you the world. I love you so much, Keith.”

“ _Fucking liar.”_ Keith fisted the hem of Shiro’s shirt, tears rolling down his cheeks.

“You don’t know how to love, Shiro. You have no fucking idea how to love.” It was a statement, a veto that nobody could break. Keith emphasized every word like Shiro had no idea. 

Shiro pushed him tightly to his chest. Keith felt the muscles pushing and ripping. He felt the pressure on his bones when Shiro pressed tightly. Every second Keith felt like Shiro’s trying to squeeze the heart inside him, to make it burst and kill him.

“I am sorry, baby,” Shiro whispered.

“Stop apologizing.”

“ _Keith—“_

“I fucking hate how you call my name.” Keith finally managed to calm down.

“Could you live with a man, who doesn’t know how to love?”

“No, but I would live with _you.”_ Keith shifted, trying to clear his nose to at least feel Shiro’s scent. Since the tears blocked every possible sense Keith could use, he only moved slightly, pressing his lips to Shiro’s neck. “I can teach you how to love again.”

“And I would fail you, as always.”

_No._

“I just want to be with you,” Keith whispered.

“I’ve hurt too many people already, sweetheart.”

Keith almost chuckled. At least Shiro tried to avoid calling him by his name.

“Will you send me away again?” Keith asked.

“Probably.” Shiro ran his flesh fingers through Keith’s black hair lovingly. “Don’t wait up for me anymore.”

_I can’t._

“Takashi,” Keith let the name slip from his lips like a forbidden word, “let me love you.”

Shiro must’ve smiled because Keith felt the shape of his lips on his forehead when Shiro brushed off his bangs. It was the most tender kiss Keith experienced in his life.

“Don’t tell me you don’t know how to love,” Keith pushed himself on his tiptoes, craving, wanting, desiring to finally kiss Shiro’s lips, “when you kiss me like that.”

“We destroyed everything to be able to be together again,” Shiro looked into his violet eyes, “don’t you see, what our love is causing?”

“Nothing,” Keith replied, closing his eyes.

“Everything, sweetheart, _everything._ ”      

**

The rain was pouring that day. Keith could remember precisely what happened when his heart got shattered into pieces. Shiro held him in his arms and whispered words of comfort while his lips were gently brushing against Keith’s ear.

“Keith, I have nothing to give you.”

“You are everything I need.”

“Keith, we both are too wounded. I’m scared of destroying you even more.”

“Shiro,  _please_ don’t!”

“I wouldn’t forgive myself if I hurt you.”

“I am not afraid.”

“But I am, Keith.”

“No.”

“Our love leads to madness.”

Shiro let go of him, and Keith could swear that the loop just found its other end and imprisoned him inside.

“Shiro I lov—“

And right back at the beginning.

“Keith, I have nothing to give you.”                                                                    

**Author's Note:**

> If I am not gonna receive at least 787 comments about how I fucked up, I am gonna cry in my bed till Christmas.


End file.
